Something in the Orange

One week without you now. My heart feels a little lighter because I have put all my trust into God but the feelings towards you still won't go away. How am I supposed to let go and say goodbye?  It looks like you're doing okay without me. I want to talk to you and let all my feelings out but I don't want to be the first person to text you. You should be the one to text me. I have so many questions. Do you even miss me? Do you think about me? Do you regret cutting things off? Are you already moving on?  I don't want to do no contact, I miss talking. It feels like a game, who could ignore the other one longer. Why does it feel like you're coming back soon? How am I supposed to move on? Do I wait for you or do I forget you? I am just so lost and confused. 

My heart feels so heavy. I miss you so much. I miss talking to you and telling you every detail about my day. I miss your company and your presence. I wish I was able to say goodbye in person instead of 1432 miles away and on Facetime. 

I don't get how you didn't miss me during long distance. How does someone you love for 4 years not feel emotions for you anymore? 

As much as I miss you and want to talk to you, breaking up made me learn and realize so much. I know what I deserve now. I know my worth. I hope to find someone who can give me what you didn't give me during the last few weeks of our relationship but I wish that person was you. I don't want to move on and forget you. I really think that you're the one, you're my soulmate. If you are, I know God will bring me back to you but how long do I have to wait for that. I know this is all happening for a reason but I miss you so much. We have had such an amazing 4 years together, I just don't understand how you were so disconnected from us. It hurt to go through that and not feel loved during those few weeks. I really am just confused about how you got to that point. 

I am proud of you for prioritizing yourself and your mental health, but why couldn't I stay by your side through it all? I wish you would stay. I want my boy back. This is hard. 

Everything reminds me of you. I just can't get rid of you. I still wait for a text from you every day. I'm waiting for you to come back. I don't believe this is the end of us. I can't stop listening to these sad songs that remind me of you too. 

Something in the orange was a song you liked and would sing but not because of the lyrics. Now listening to the lyrics is so hard because they actually mean something.

Thank you Professor for letting me pour my heart out.